When I was a young adult, all I wanted was to find someone nice to settle down and raise a family with. I did find someone nice, and we did settle down to raise the standard family of two kids and a dog. When I look back now as an empty nester, I don’t regret any of the decisions I made. But I also realize that the things I thought I wanted were the things I was told I should want. I lived my life according to a script someone else had provided for me.
In industrialized societies at least, marriage rates have been declining for decades, and the number of single persons—whether pre-marriage or post-divorce—has been on the rise. Research has consistently shown, at least until recently, that people are happier when they’re in a steady romantic relationship than when they’re unpartnered. There’s certainly a prevailing social attitude that you need a significant other to make you “whole.”
Then along came Gen Z, challenging traditions and living by their own rules. According to a team of German psychologists led by Tita Avilés, the Zoomers, or people born between the years 2007 and 2012, are waiting longer to get romantically involved. And what’s more, they’re quite happy being single. The researchers analyze the reasons for this trend in an article they recently published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Autonomy Over Intimacy
For this study, Avilés and colleagues drew from a large-scale multiyear survey on intimate relationships and family dynamics to analyze data from nearly 3,000 people who were not in a romantic relationship. The sample consisted of four cohorts: Gen X, born 1971-1973; Early Millennials, born 1981-1983, Late Millennials, born 1991-1993, and Gen Z, born 2001-2003. Participants in each cohort responded at three age milestones: Adolescence (roughly age 16), Early Adulthood (roughly age 26), and Established Adulthood (roughly age 36). Of course, later-born cohorts have not yet reached all three age milestones.
Compared with the early-born cohorts, the later-born cohorts reported more satisfaction with their single status and more life satisfaction in general. This was particularly true for the Zoomers, who have so far responded only at the Adolescence age milestone.
For earlier generations, adolescence was a time when people began dating and entering into romantic relationships. The adolescents of Gen Z, however, seem to value autonomy over intimacy. From these data, the researchers can’t determine exactly why this is the case, but they do consider a number of social changes that may be driving this shift in attitudes.
Less Stigma Surrounding Singlehood
Rates of singlehood have been going up for decades, and Avilés and her colleagues note that social attitudes about being single have changed. In the past, being single was a sign of failure, marking the person as being unable to build or maintain an intimate relationship. People internalize these kinds of social judgments, and this is likely one reason why members of earlier generations reported being unsatisfied with single life.
However, the researchers point out that there’s a lot less stigma surrounding singlehood these days, especially among Zoomers. That is, members of Gen Z don’t see anything wrong with being single, so they don’t judge their peers for being romantically unattached. This means that Zoomers can decide for themselves whether to be single or not without fear of being discriminated against by those whose opinions they value most.
Avilés and colleagues also point out that members of Gen Z tend to be more individualistic and value autonomy more than previous generations. You may have plans for your life, but if you’re in a relationship, you need to take your partner’s goals into consideration as well and compromise on your own. This seems to be something that Zoomers are less willing to do.
Delaying Developmental Milestones
Another reason for Gen Z’s preference for singlehood is the observation across several generations that younger people are passing through major developmental milestones later in life. Although children reach puberty at a somewhat earlier age than they did a century ago, largely due to better nutrition nowadays, their social and psychological development tends to be delayed. Young people stay in school longer, start their careers later, and wait longer to get married or start a family, even when they do have a romantic partner. There’s even evidence suggesting that Zoomers are waiting longer to have sex as well.
Singlehood Essential Reads
On that topic, we also need to point out that sexual attitudes have changed significantly over the last half-century. Boomers like me were “liberated,” unlike our parents. We had no qualms about premarital sex, but we did mostly confine it to within committed relationships. However, Zoomers are more open to casual sex, and they have the apps to help them find it. They’re also more accepting of alternative sexual relationships, such as friends with benefits. Other research has shown that people are happier with their single status when their sexual needs are met.
Prolonged “childhood” in the 21st century, in which young adults may still be financially dependent on their parents well into their 20s, is likely one reason why Zoomers delay careers, marriage, and family. At the same time, life expectancy has increased significantly over the last century, so young people today have the reasonable expectation that they’ll have more time available to them and needn’t rush into commitments that will tie them down.
If this is the case, we can perhaps expect Zoomers to start settling down in their late 30s, unlike their Boomer parents, who tended to be married by their late 20s. It’s also important to keep in mind that the Boomers married later than their parents did, and for the same reasons, namely that it took longer to get established in a career and that life expectancies were increasing.
It will be interesting to see, in coming decades, whether Gen Z follows a delayed but traditional life trajectory or forges new and unexplored pathways through life. I wish them a happy journey!