Satisfying relationships require love, respect, and trust. Yet many partners are not committed to faithfully fulfilling these expectations. To the contrary, instead of trying to avoid temptation, they seek it out. What is hard for some people to believe is the prevalence of “just looking” at online alternatives by people who are already in committed relationships. I discussed the types of factors that motivate such behavior in a previous post.[i] Researchers have also examined how self-perception fuels the desire to explore.

Source: Image by This_is_Engineering from Pixabay

Partner Perception and Reviewing Relational Alternatives

Bruna S. Nascimento et al. (2024) examined the practice of viewing online relational alternatives in a piece entitled “Pathways to Online Infidelity.”[ii] Noting the prevalence and popularity of online dating, they examined the link between perceived online dating success and infidelity-related behaviors. Studying 338 individuals who were currently in long-term, exclusive relationships, they examined the associations between perceived number of alternative partners, discrepancy in mate value comparing oneself to one’s partner, and attention to relational alternatives.

Nascimento et al. found that perceived online dating success was linked with a higher perception of alternative partner availability as well as the perception that one has a higher mate value than one’s partner—both factors that are linked with attention to relational alternatives, which increases potential engagement. Interestingly, they did not find a direct association between perceived success dating online and online infidelity-related behaviors. The next question for couples then becomes: when does alternative partner “review” become reality?

Online Infidelity: More Than “Just Looking”

Unfortunately, some partners, even those who profess to be in satisfying relationships, do more than look. But even when a partner reaches out and contacts a relational alternative, there can be a disagreement over what constitutes online infidelity.

Jana Hackathorn and Brien K. Ashdown in a piece entitled “The Webs We Weave” (2021) explored both the motivations for infidelity as well as resulting extra-relational satisfaction.[iii] Studying users of the AshleyMadison.com website—which facilitated the practice of pursuing affairs with extra-relational partners—they explored user motivation, as well as satisfaction of resulting relationships. They noted that the concept of online infidelity was important because virtual sexual activity can include a variety of behaviors including sexual chat, exchanging nude images, flirting, watching pornography, and engaging in other types of activity that interfere with real-life relationships. Another point as a practical matter is the fact that virtual viewing relational alternatives involves secrecy and clandestine activity—which is itself damaging to existing relationships of trust.

Yet there are different perspectives regarding the extent to which online sexual activity constitute infidelity, because as Hackathorn and Ashdown recognize, perception and definition depends on the partner judging the behavior. They note that some online cheaters often do not consider themselves unfaithful, especially when they have not consummated their interest with physical contact. Innocent partners, however, often fail to see the difference—sometimes considering an emotional affair even more threatening to an existing relationship.

Viewing online contact as cheating may also depend on whether someone is restricted in terms of sociosexuality, often defined as a penchant for uncommitted sexual activity. Consistent with prior research, Hackathorn and Ashdown found males to be less restricted in sociosexuality than women, which they note is a robust finding within relevant literature and in many cultures. It is possible this difference could explain why one partner would be more likely than the other to view certain types of online conversation as incompatible with relational fidelity.

The bottom line is still clear: within relationships of trust and loyalty, partners should not be looking elsewhere. Avoiding temptation is the best way to resist it, and as with so many other choices in life, the best way to prevent infidelity is to preclude the opportunity. The internet is a great resource for subject matter research, not researching relational alternatives.