Situations That Cause Partners to Feel Single



We have all run into a friend or co-worker in a social setting without his or her partner. Not necessarily behaving inappropriately, but certainly proactive about meeting new people, seemingly single. Yet whether flirting, being friendly, or simply having fun, some settings uniquely set the scene for the sensation of singlehood.

Image by Jamie Hines from Pixabay

Source: Image by Jamie Hines from Pixabay

Status Update: Situational Singlehood

From public pronouncements to dating platform descriptions, singles self-identify. But especially within the throes of a new relationship, couplehood can be a matter of perspective. How many dates create commitment? Some singles answer that question by deleting their online dating profile, effectively removing themselves from the dating market. Others showcase their new status by going Facebook official with their new paramour. But even when couplehood has arrived, there are circumstances where partners feel single again.

Jayda P. Felder and Laura V. Machia in a paper titled “Single While Partnered” (2024) explored situations that change the perception of relationship status.[i] Recognizing relationship status as binary in the sense that individuals are either single or partnered, they note that not everyone uses this distinction to describe their status. They explain that for many people, perceived relationship status and actual relationship status do not always align. Studying 150 participants reporting perceived status across 27 hypothetical scenarios, they found considerable variation for every scenario, indicating a distinction between perceived relationship status and actual relationship status that is influenced by context.

Context can be situational, or relational. Regarding relational status and perceived singlehood, Felder and Machia note that singles within the throes of budding relationships may feel “more partnered” as they continue to date their new love interest while devaluing relational alternatives, while a partnered individual in an unfulfilling relationship may feel progressively “more single” as they head towards a breakup and become increasingly receptive to potential new partners. But social context matters also.

Social Scenarios Where Partners Are Suddenly Single

Many partners feel more single in certain social contexts than others. Examples include ventures onto the singles scene with friends for a “girls’ night out” or with the guys for a bachelor party. Felder and Machia note that describing a bachelor or bachelorette party as the soon-to-be-wedded partner’s “last night of freedom” suggests that at least to some people, dating is a “less partnered” status than marriage. They describe a bachelor party as a situational “cheating loophole” where some would tolerate inappropriate behaviors as an exception to the general rule. In their study for example, visiting a strip club and receiving a lap dance were rated as more acceptable during a bachelor party versus in general.

Yet specifically using a bachelor party to explore the possibility of infidelity as a consequence of status misalignment, Felder and Machia did not find a significant link. They found that the scenario with the lowest perceived status rating occurred when relational partners were “taking a break,” and the social scenario with the lowest perceived status rating involved heavy alcohol or drug use while out with friends. They explain the difference between this scenario and a bachelor party in terms of relational saliency, noting that a bachelor party precedes marriage—a “more partnered” relationship, where a casual night out drinking with friends is not inherently linked to relationship status. Felder and Machia also note that because substance use is temporarily mind-altering, it can predispose individuals to engage in risky behaviors and cause partners to temporarily perceive themselves as single, and consequent lack of inhibition may be used as a different type of “cheating loophole” to (attempt to) explain any inappropriate interactions that occur.

Choose Partners Wisely

The best way to end up with a partner who self-perceives as such is proactively choosing trustworthy, honest, loyal prospects. Many partners have zero interest in venturing onto the singles scene in any context, but would rather spend time with friends, family, or their faith community. Partners interested in relational permanence are more likely to perceive themselves as partnered in any scenario, so choose wisely and enjoy relational quality and longevity.


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