The Alpha Leadership Lie | Psychology Today



Gold chains, cage fights, and tech-bro swagger. Since when did leadership look like this?

I worked under Mark Zuckerberg’s leadership at Instagram when the company, although never warm and fuzzy, was focused on innovation and maniacal growth.

Move Fast and Break Things.

This was the mantra that grew Facebook—now Meta—into a global empire. Today, it’s worth nearly two trillion dollars and remains one of the most powerful companies on Earth. And yet, instead of talking about strategy, innovation, or leadership, Zuckerberg is out there rocking gold chains and hyping up male aggression:

“A lot of the corporate world is culturally neutered. I think having a culture that celebrates aggression a bit more has merits that are really positive.”

Wait… what?

A CEO, running one of the most influential companies in history, pushing aggression as a leadership value? This isn’t about men or women, strength or softness. It’s about what makes any leader worth following. If the future of leadership is about chest-thumping and cage fights, where does that leave the rest of us?

It’s time to stop clinging to broken leadership myths. The world doesn’t need more “alpha” leaders.

It needs real ones.

Psychological Safety, Not Fear

I’ve seen what makes teams hum. Not in theory. In practice.

At Google, I worked with the People Analytics team—the same team behind Project Aristotle, one of the biggest studies ever conducted on team performance. The goal? Crack the code on what makes any team successful.

Google spent two years analyzing 180 teams, searching for the magic formula. They tested everything—raw talent, intelligence, experience, work ethic. The result? The #1 factor wasn’t skill, experience, or IQ.

It was psychological safety.

That’s the ability to take risks, ask tough questions, and challenge ideas—without fear of punishment, embarrassment, or being shut down. That’s it.

Not dominance. Not aggression. Safety. Because when people feel safe, they think bigger and push further. When they don’t, they shrink.

What bad leaders don’t understand is this: Fear doesn’t create strength. It creates silence. And this isn’t just about work. Psychological safety is the foundation of all great relationships. In the workplace, it fuels thriving teams. In relationships, it builds and supports trust. And in life, it fosters real connection.

The best leaders understand this. The so-called alpha leaders—the ones posturing on podcasts—don’t.

What Real Leaders Do

Psychological safety is only the foundation. Leadership isn’t just about making people safe—it’s about making them better. And that’s where the alpha leader myth falls apart.

1. Weak leaders perform. Real leaders deliver.

We’ve all seen it. The boss who rules through fear. The friend who can’t stand being out of the spotlight. The partner who cares more about “winning” than solving the issue. They think being loud means being strong. It doesn’t.

Swagger isn’t strength. Fear isn’t respect. Control isn’t leadership. Real leaders aren’t out to prove how “tough” they are. Instead, they operate differently:

  • They set clear expectations—for themselves and others.
  • They remove obstacles so everyone can thrive.
  • They hold people accountable without making them afraid.

The best leaders don’t bulldoze people. They build them up.

2. Weak leaders take. Real leaders give.

Alpha leaders love the aesthetics of strength. Some create an image of ruthless power. Some pick public fights. And, yes, some wear ill-fitting gold chains.

But here’s the truth: The strongest leaders don’t need to perform dominance. Because real leadership isn’t all about them.

It should be about:

  • Developing trust, not proclaiming power
  • Creating environments where people feel valued, not intimidated
  • Leading with vision, not ego.

Because the moment a leader makes everything about them? They’ve stopped leading.

Leadership Essential Reads

The best leaders—gender aside—never demand attention. They earn respect. They don’t make people smaller. They strive to make them stronger.

That’s the difference. And it’s everything.

3. Weak leaders burn. Real leaders build.

There’s a lot of noise in the world today, but the best leaders don’t just dominate the airwaves. They don’t bend every headline to their will. They build something that lasts.

Weak leaders burn everything down on their way out. They cling to power, create chaos, and leave nothing but wreckage behind. Real leaders think beyond themselves. They develop talent, build sustainable systems, and create winning environments—even when they’re gone.

And this applies everywhere. The best parents don’t raise kids who depend on them forever. The best mentors never hoard wisdom—they pass it on. And the best coaches don’t just chase trophies; they shape lives.

Weak leaders burn their mark into the ground for everyone to see. Real leaders build something incredible that stands without them.

Because power fades, but the impact doesn’t.

Real Leaders Endure

Alpha leaders build empires of fear. People obey them—but they never trust them. Real leaders create environments rooted in trust. And people follow them because they want to, not because they’re forced to.

Weak leaders stockpile power. Real leaders pass it on.

Weak leaders make people afraid to fail. Real leaders give people the confidence to try.

\Weak leaders burn everything down on their way out. Real leaders build something that can stand without them.

Because in the end, leadership isn’t about how much control you cling to. It’s not about swagger. Not about status. Not about fat gold chains.

It’s about the people you lift, the trust you build, and the positive impact that remains long after you’re gone.

And that’s not just leadership. That’s legacy—what truly lasts.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts