People in romantic relationships often use various tactics to keep partners committed and prevent them from straying. These tactics, known as mate retention behaviors, can range from positive actions like gift-giving and affection to negative actions like emotional manipulation and threats.¹ Understanding why people choose certain strategies over others can provide insight into human relationships and how they are influenced by broader biological and cultural factors.

One way to explore this is through life history theory, a concept from evolutionary biology that explains how organisms allocate resources like time and energy throughout their lives.² According to this theory, individuals can be on a spectrum from “fast” to “slow” life history strategies. Those with fast strategies tend to grow up quickly, reproduce early, have more offspring, and invest less in each one. This approach is often seen in harsh or unpredictable environments in which survival is uncertain. On the other hand, individuals with slow strategies develop more slowly, reproduce later, have fewer offspring, and invest more in each child’s well-being, typically in more stable environments.

Life history strategies don’t just affect physical development and reproduction; they also influence behavior and psychology. People with fast life history strategies might focus on immediate gratification, take more risks, and prioritize short-term gains. Conversely, those with slow life history strategies might plan for the future, delay gratification, and invest in long-term goals. These tendencies can impact various aspects of life, including how people manage romantic relationships.

• Fast Life History Strategy: Individuals prioritize immediate rewards, often engaging in short-term relationships and seeking quick gratification.
• Slow Life History Strategy: Individuals focus on long-term goals, delaying immediate pleasures for future benefits, and often invest heavily in lasting relationships.

For a study we recently published, my colleagues and I wanted to see if there was a connection between a person’s life history strategy and the way they try to keep their romantic partners.³ Specifically, we hypothesized that people with slower life history strategies would be more likely to use positive, benefit-provisioning mate retention behaviors like showing affection or giving gifts, and less likely to use negative, cost-inflicting behaviors like making threats or manipulating their partner’s emotions.⁴

• Benefit-Provisioning Behaviors: Positive actions like gift-giving, showing affection, and publicly displaying commitment.
• Cost-Inflicting Behaviors: Negative tactics such as inducing jealousy, emotional manipulation, or making threats.

To investigate this, we conducted three studies involving heterosexual adults from Iran and the United Kingdom. The choice of these two countries allowed for an examination of cultural differences in relationship behaviors. Iran and the UK have distinct social norms, economic conditions, and cultural expectations regarding relationships, which can influence how people behave in romantic partnerships.

Key Findings:

• Men with Slower Life Strategies Use Positive Actions. In both Iran and the United Kingdom, men who adopt a slower life history strategy are more likely to engage in benefit-provisioning behaviors. This means they use positive actions—like giving gifts, showing affection, or publicly expressing their commitment—to keep their partners happy and strengthen their relationships.
• Women Show Cultural Differences. There was no clear link between life history strategy and how Iranian women maintained their relationships. However, higher education among these women was associated with a decreased use of any mate retention behaviors, suggesting they might feel more secure or independent. Women in the UK with a slower life history strategy tended to use positive, benefit-provisioning behaviors similar to men.
• Financial Importance Plays a Role. Individuals who placed a high importance on financial aspects in a relationship were more likely to use certain mate retention strategies. In the UK, this was linked to cost-inflicting behaviors among women, while in Iran, it was associated with benefit-provisioning behaviors among men.

Across the three studies, a consistent pattern emerged: Men with slower life history strategies tend to use positive mate retention strategies to keep their partners. This was observed in both Iran and the UK, indicating that despite cultural differences, certain patterns hold true. For women, the findings were less consistent, with cultural factors playing a more significant role. The studies suggest that people who plan for the future and invest in long-term goals (slower life history strategy) are more likely to use positive methods to maintain their relationships. This trend is especially noticeable among men in both Iran and the UK. The differences observed between men and women, and between cultures, highlight how factors like environment, education, and economic conditions can shape relationship behaviors.

Relationships are complex, influenced by a myriad of factors including our evolutionary predispositions, cultural norms, and personal experiences. Whether you find yourself buying thoughtful gifts or feeling the pangs of jealousy, it’s worth considering how your life history strategy shapes your approach to love and commitment. Recognizing these patterns might lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships built on understanding and mutual respect.