Source: Timur Weber / Pexels

Grandiose narcissism is characterized by an overblown sense of self-importance and entitlement. While narcissists can often be charismatic and charming in the short term, they tend to make poor long-term partners. One reason for this is their strong need to be admired by others. This need for admiration causes them to find interpersonal difficulties especially threatening to their self-esteem which can often result in lashing out in anger. Laboratory studies in which participants are socially rejected by others show that narcissists are especially likely to become angry as a result of the rejection and even respond with aggression. Narcissists are more likely to engage in aggressive behaviors when they have conflicts with their romantic partners and exhibit more anger toward ex-partners.

In a study I conducted with Lillian Carney, just published in Personality and Individual Differences, we explored how narcissists respond to being hurt or let down by a romantic partner. Do they become especially angry and come to see their partners more negatively?

In order to answer this question, we conducted an experiment in which 241 participants, currently in romantic relationships, were asked to either write about a time they were hurt or let down by their partner (relationship threat condition) or to simply write about their daily activities (the control group). We then asked participants to rate their angry, sad, and anxious mood and to rate their partners on various positive characteristics (e.g., kind, attractive) immediately after this writing task. In addition, participants completed questionnaires measuring narcissism.

Not surprisingly, participants who had recalled a relationship threat reported more anger, sadness, and anxiety than those who had written about their daily activities. However, the effect of the relationship threat on anger was greater for those who scored higher in narcissism. That is, highly narcissistic individuals were especially likely to feel angry when thinking about a time they had been hurt by their partner.

The threat manipulation did not affect participants’ general ratings of their partners on various positive traits. However, we wanted to investigate whether or not narcissists might view their partners especially negatively in the context of the hurtful relationship event they had just described, especially given prior research that shows they tend to be less forgiving. We suspected that the greater anger they experienced when thinking about their partners’ hurtful behavior was likely to be directed at the partners.

In order to test this, we examined the participants’ written accounts of their partners’ hurtful behavior. For each participant, we rated the extent to which their description expressed blame, resentment, and negativity toward their partner. As we expected, those who scored higher in narcissism tended to describe their partners more negatively when recalling the hurtful event. However, they did not express greater resentment or blame toward their partner.

This research demonstrates one of the reasons that narcissists tend to have problems in their long-term relationships, and why their partners often experience less satisfaction. When things go wrong in the relationship, narcissists tend to lash out at their partners, and as this study shows, continue to hold onto angry feelings and negativity toward their partner in response to past hurts.