Many people date partners roughly their age, but some people have quite large age gaps in their relationships. However, there has not been a lot of systematic psychological research to find out how much of an age gap people prefer in a romantic relationship.

To fill this gap, a study recently published in the journal Personal Relationships investigated the preferred age gaps for men and women at the start of a new romantic relationship (Gottfried and co-workers, 2024). The research team, led by Jaroslav Gottfried, analyzed data from 35,99 couples, collected across 28 European countries and Israel.

What age gap do men prefer in a relationship?

The statistical analyses performed by the scientists revealed that the preferred age gap at the beginning of a new relationship depended on gender and the current age of the partners. At age 25, an average man typically partnered with a woman 3 years younger, or about age 22. In contrast, an average 25-year-old woman typically partnered with a partner 3 years older than her, or about age 28.

The statistical model revealed that the older a man gets, the more he prefers a larger age gap with his partner at the beginning of a new romantic relationship. Specifically, for every 5 years of age, the preferred age difference at the beginning of a new relationship between a man and his partner grew by about 1 additional year. This roughly means the average age a man prefers for his partner at the start of a new relationship is about:

• Own age 25 years: Partner age 22 years (age gap: 3 years)
• Own age 30 years: Partner age 26 years (age gap: 4 years)
• Own age 40 years: Partner age 34 years (age gap: 6 years)
• Own age 50 years: Partner age 42 years (age gap: 8 years)
• Own age 60 years: Partner age 50 years (age gap: 10 years)
• Own age 70 years: Partner age 58 years (age gap: 12 years)
• Own age 80 years: Partner age 66 years (age gap: 14 years)

What age gap do women prefer in a relationship?

For women, a similar but less strong effect was observed after the age of 25 years. On average, for every 10 years of age, the preferred age difference at the beginning of a new relationship between a woman and her partner grew by about 1 additional year. This roughly means the average age a woman prefers for her partner at the start of a new relationship is about:

• Own age 25 years: Partner age 28 years (age gap: -3 years)
• Own age 30 years: Partner age 32.5 years (age gap: -2.5 years)
• Own age 40 years: Partner age 41.5 years (age gap: -1.5 years)
• Own age 50 years: Partner age 50.5 years (age gap: -0.5 years)
• Own age 60 years: Partner age 59.5 years (age gap: 0.5 years)
• Own age 70 years: Partner age 68.5 years (age gap: 1.5 years)
• Own age 80 years: Partner age 77.5 years (age gap: 2.5 years)

Women initially prefer to have a slightly older partner, but as they age, they increasingly prefer same-aged partners. After about age 60, they tend to prefer at least slightly younger partners.

Conclusion

The older people get, the more they prefer to have a younger partner as they start a new relationship. This is true for both genders, but the statistical difference between men and women is significant, showing that the effect is stronger in men than in women.