By Tita Gonzalez Avilés, a postdoc in the lab of Janina Larissa Bühler at the University of Mainz. Her research focuses on singlehood and romantic relationships among young adults.

When a relationship ends, it is often about more than just saying goodbye to a loved one. A breakup not only leaves emotional wounds but also impacts everyday life, the social network, and future planning.

Previous studies on gender differences in dealing with separation indicate that men, in particular, seem to suffer more from the end of a relationship. They initiate divorces less frequently (Brüning, 2022), report fewer positive emotions such as relief and joy, and often suffer longer from symptoms such as sadness and insomnia after a breakup (Morris & Reiber, 2011).

Why do men seem to suffer more from breakups than women? Emotional support likely plays an important role. Men in opposite-sex relationships often turn to their partners to fulfill their need for intimacy, connection, and emotional support.

Women, on the other hand, are more likely to have a broad support network of friends, family, and other social contacts that can help them buffer the emotional pain of a breakup and make it easier to adjust to life as a single (Liebler & Sandefur, 2002). The strong dependence on romantic relationships may make breakups particularly stressful for men, as they are confronted with the loss of a central resource – emotional support.

However, many studies on the effects of breakups have focused primarily on the experience of divorce and have often ignored breakups in non-marital relationships. In addition, most studies have only looked at how men and women fared after a separation or divorce, without taking into account their well-being before the separation.

A recent study (Wahring et al., 2024) addressed these limitations and examined gender differences in coping with breakups more comprehensively. The research team analyzed data from 1,530 people in Germany who had experienced a breakup between 2013 and 2021. The participants completed annual questionnaires over several years in which they reported their life satisfaction, loneliness, and depressive symptoms.

Additional questions were asked in the event of a breakup: Who had initiated the breakup? How satisfied were the respondents with their single life? And how strongly did they desire a new partnership? On average, the last survey before the breakup took place about six months before, and the first survey after the breakup about six months after.

The study design made it possible to answer several important questions at once: Does the course of well-being differ between men and women before and after a separation? Which gender initiates breakups more frequently? And who finds single life more fulfilling or strives more for a new relationship?

Overall, the study revealed a few small differences between men and women in how they deal with breakups: Although men ended their relationships less often than women, they were less satisfied with their single life and longed more for a new relationship—which could indicate that men are more dependent on emotional closeness and affirmation through a romantic relationship.

Nevertheless, the study showed that both men and women are similarly affected in their well-being after a breakup: The decrease in life satisfaction as well as the increase in depressive symptoms and loneliness were comparable in both groups.

There are several reasons why no gender differences were found in the adjustment to breakups. Men and women may use different coping strategies that are equally effective. For example, men might focus on distraction through work and hobbies, while women may be more likely to process their thoughts and feelings about the breakup in conversations with friends. This would mean that men and women differ less in the adjustment itself than in the way they deal with the breakup.

In addition, who men and women turn to for emotional support might have changed over time. Nowadays, men may be more likely to seek support from their friends than men in years past, which could positively affect their adjustment to the breakup.

In sum, these results indicate that the loss of a relationship affects the well-being of men and women relatively equally. They thus contradict the widespread assumption that men suffer more emotionally from a breakup than women. Instead, they show that breakups can be equally painful for both men and women.

This contribution is based on Wer kann Trennungen besser verarbeiten: Männer oder Frauen? by Tita Gonzalez Avilés.