There are times in social situations when you’ve got to follow someone else’s lead. Even more, another person may come to dominate you to the point where you are unable to exert your will at all. What do you do when faced with this show of power? You might give in, or you might decide to come back with your own countermove.

For people high in narcissism, the exercise of authority by others can be more than unpleasant; it can be intolerable. Although narcissism and the need for power don’t always go together, there should be somewhat of an obvious link. Narcissists see themselves as superior. How dare someone else tell them what to do and how to do it? The question is whether they manage to mobilize enough to fight back, or whether they fall apart emotionally and retreat back into themselves.

An Interpersonal View of Narcissism

According to a new study by Rutgers University’s Elizabeth Edershile and University of Michigan’s Aidan Wright (2025), interpersonal situations become what we might call the playground of personality, bringing out individual differences in the ability to function well. Contemporary integrative interpersonal theory (CIIT) proposes specifically that “there is an inherent link between the interpersonal situation and (un)successful functioning.”

CIIT outlines this link in the following way. It starts with defining the self as composed of a “self system” and an “affect system” in you and the other person you are interacting with. Each system has two dimensions: agency (exerting your own power) and communion (feeling socially bonded). You impose your self system onto your interactions with another person who, in turn, also imposes theirs onto you, allowing for perceptions to work in both directions. Similarly, your behavior affects the other person, whose, in turn, affects yours. In the offing, the dimensions of dominance and warmth result from this complex set of processes.

CIIT defines psychopathology in terms of deviations in this interaction that result in maladaptive loops. Narcissism, specifically, can be seen from CIIT’s perspective as “a sense of self and emotions that are exaggerated and poorly aligned with the demands of many interpersonal situations.” The narcissist is thrown out of whack when an interaction threatens their sense of superiority.

However, as you may already know, narcissism comes in two related varieties: grandiose and vulnerable. Grandiose narcissists go about life believing in their own superiority. People with the vulnerable form have a fragile sense of self and can either retreat from situations that threaten their sense of self or try to go back on the attack. Some of the emotional reactions narcissists, particularly the vulnerable type, can experience when threatened include “frantic efforts” to “return to a state of superiority and narcissistic grandiosity.”

Testing the CIIT When Narcissists Are Dominated

To see whether CIIT would provide a viable framework for understanding how narcissists react to domination, the Rutgers and U. Mich. researchers gathered data from four samples that included community-dwelling adults, college students, clinical samples, and suicidal patients (who served as controls). The general framework of these studies was based on a combination of lab sessions (for filling out questionnaires) and real-time (“AA”) assessments of interactions lasting at least 5 minutes, with multiple surveys per day (6 or 7) over multiple days (from 7 to a maximum of 21 days).

Having assessed narcissism with standard measures in the lab, the AA phase of the research proceeded with those multiple daily assessments. For these assessments, participants used a visual slider scale to rate dominant and affiliative behaviors in themselves and the other person. The dominance dimension ranged from -50 (“accommodating/submissive/timid”) to 50 (“assertive/dominant/controlling”). The affiliative dimension ranged from -50 (“cold/distant/hostile”) to 50 (“warm/friendly/caring”). Participants also rated their negative affect on emotions such as nervous, sad, angry, and irritated.

Try these ratings yourself on some of your most recent interactions, rating yourself and the person you most recently had a conversation with. How well did these dimensions capture what happened between the two of you, from your perspective, and how did you feel during this interaction? You can see how easy it is to apply this set of scales and, potentially, how informative it can be regarding the reactions the conversation provoked.

Edershile and Wright used a complex set of statistical modeling equations to test their hypotheses that narcissism would amplify the relationship between perceptions of dominance and negative emotional reactions. The findings supported CIIT’s predictions, but there was stronger evidence for the role of vulnerable compared to grandiose narcissism. Maybe because the data were based on self-report, there were no particular effects of narcissism on the delivery by the participant of dominance or affiliation.

Turning to the interpretation of these findings, the authors note that no one likes to be dominated in an interaction. But for people high in vulnerable narcissism, these interactions are particularly upsetting.

One way to interpret interactions that threaten the vulnerable narcissist is that they put the individual’s sense of status or self-esteem under fire. However, the authors believe that the threat isn’t one to status, but to social acceptance. It’s the dual combination of dominance and lack of warmth that sets the ball in motion for the vulnerable narcissist to become emotionally dysregulated.

What the Findings Mean for the Narcissist’s Daily Life

We now know that the perception of being both dominated and rejected can set vulnerable narcissists into an emotional tailspin. The next time you see someone you know, either personally or from afar (in the media) who seems to react with undue rage, sadness, or desire for retribution for being thwarted, you can see their reaction not only as arising from a personality disturbance, but from an undue sensitivity to interpersonal rejection and power.

You might not feel sorry for the person, even though CIIT provides a useful framework for understanding them. However, if you have a relationship with someone you love or feel close to and who shows this behavior, you can see how important it is to help manage their emotions when they feel they’re being pushed around. A kinder and gentler approach may turn down the heat in the room and, perhaps over time, help this individual gain greater inner reserve.

To sum up, people high in narcissism may be difficult to deal with, especially when there’s a test of wills. By seeing how their view of the world and themselves affects these interactions, you can help develop smoother and more fulfilling relationships.